What was I thinking?

What was I thinking?

My last blog post was about the books and articles I was reading…right?

Wrong!

It was about me putting on the persona of the “intellectual”.

As the minutes (and I do mean minutes) of a summer afternoon rush by, I needed somehow to prove to no one in particular (yeah, probably me in particular) how intellectually intelligent I am.

These last months, I have been feeling, particularly vulnerable. My age is not creeping up on me. It is galloping headlong toward oblivion. Well, my friends, I have an obvious not an oblivionesque personality. As a performer, I desire to be noticed and heard.

After a year of health pauses, I purposely slowed my schedule. It was not very busy to begin with, but enough to keep the obvious personality satisfied.

Now I read many, many books to compliment my many, many interests. I love both fiction and non-fiction. And a glorious day for me is burrowing in at the local bookstore and loading up with at least 7 or 8 books every 3 or 4 weeks. I enjoy buying books. It is my way to support the writer, especially a new author. I do not get to read them all, but depending on my mood I can always find something that intrigues me at any day of the week or any time of the day. I support the library by delivering the already read books to add to their shelves.

That’s my story.

So I thought the last blog I wrote was about sharing my thoughts on my most recent reads; but after seeing this clip from Portlandia and how it nails the need to be au courant and ahead of everyone in important readings, I think something else might have snuck into that last blog.

Plain and simple, it was some hubris, mixed with a soupcon phony intellectual, mixed with mostly, “now what to do with my life that it is almost over?”

“I know! I’ll be an intellectual. And tell other people what and how they should read!”

This is so not me. As I said, It is not about the books. I am a reader. That is one of my passions. The other passion is performing and continuing to make a fool of myself in front of an audience. That has been on the back burner until I figure a few things out.

Hey Guys… I am moving it to the front burner.

I don’t know what form it will take.

But didn’t someone say the fun is in not in the knowing but in the going.

Love, Sally-Jane

6 thoughts on “What was I thinking?

  1. I love you Sally Jane…as a wise woman, as a performer, as a reader, as a sharer of ideas, as a performer, as a speaker of truth, as an intellectual, as a humorist, as a human being. Just the way you are

  2. Oh for God’s sake! What a luxury to have such concerns. Cut this
    self doubt out and know you are delightful in all your reflections and concerns. I have never found you anything but delightful Sally Jane
    and on so many levels, in so many examples, a reality check of what
    I am thinking of feeling as well, including the galloping.

    Anytime you wish to to create a contrast to your pauses you are welcomed to come mow, play the piano and “practice or explore” or otherwise entertain
    us and the zoo, please do.

    I love your blog……..

    DD

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