TESTING IS NOT ONLY FOR THE VIRUS

My Dear Friends and Family,

In life and circumstances you make and lose friends just like in marriages and other kinds of relationships we lose partners because one or the other changed… grew in different directions… moved apart… (I’ve even heard of divorced partners who were better friends after the marriage ended than before…no comment!)  But testing a friendship just didn’t seem necessary because in friendship as in life there is an almost natural flow or evolution of the personalities involved as they navigate life.

The pandemic has changed all that. Who we are and the decisions we make in and around Covid 19 has created havoc with relationships ie, friendships.

In the past, I liked it when my friends agreed with me.  However, you didn’t have to.  I would say, “Hey, honey, let’s just agree to disagree.” And believe me, as Ms. Judgemental , this always made me feel super virtuous.  

Not so today. If you think the virus is not real, or masks or safe distancing is a joke,  you are not going to take the necessary steps for safety and healthy living.  Right away we have a problem. I was going to write I have a problem. But the pronoun we is the appropriate one.  

How can we be with each other, or even talk to each other, if we don’t agree on the basic steps for survival. It feels like being a Jew in Germany 1929, 1930, 1931, 1932, 1933… it’s time to leave… the handwriting is on the wall…. How long do you have to wait until you know for sure, if you stay, you are not going to survive? I recognize that hindsight creates 20/20 vision but I think it is through hindsight we can maybe get just a glimmer of foresight.   

I have finally earned enough years on this planet to understand how basically we are all the same, but how in detail we are all so different. I want to be able to say with a full and open heart, “I respect your decision”.  On a most bizarre level I do. Which, for me, means I love you but dare I say it… KEEP YOUR DISTANCE.

At a time when age itself seems to limit the number of  my friendships, I really resent this pandemic for adding another painful reality to an already complicated existence.  

I’m not alone in my thinking…. Friends Are Breaking Up Over Social Distancing (The Atlantic)

And another tree (aka friendship), falls in the forest….

I know this much. I am nothing without my friends and I am sad when I lose one by the appearance of that hooded figure with the scythe or by changes in our life values and circumstances or for reasons even a nitpicker like me does not understand. And as the years pass each loss becomes more difficult and harder to absorb into my life.  

All to say to the friends that I have, “Play nice. Wear a mask. Wash your hands. Sanitize as you go. Safe distance or no ice cream and cookies!!”

Right???  Of course, right!!!

Love, Sally-Jane

P.S. This is exactly how I feel:

P.P.S. Here are Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers telling it like it is.

P.P.P.S. Happy Birthday to a loving friend who knows how to play nice.

3 responses to “TESTING IS NOT ONLY FOR THE VIRUS

  1. Karen Clare-Clark

    Hello my dear friend Sally, It seems before this pandemic we had many friends & now we have fewer friends because of this indescribable pandemic! Wondering I contemplate why in the hell would you not conform to wearing a mask if not for yourself but for to protect the vulnerable people in this world! Unfortunately we are all vulnerable but the worse question to ask is if I get this dreadful virus am I going to die? Put on the freakin mask & stop bitching I say! Final thought you know what’s uncomfortable a BRA but I still put one on when I go out not for me but for you! Stay well & happy my friend❣️❤️Love, Karen 😷😘

  2. Rose Shepperd

    Couldn’t agree more! How can. you be a “friend” and not want to wear a mask…to protect ME, when I wear one. to protect YOU?

    >

  3. Steven Kerner

    Hi Sally-Jane,

    This was a very poignant piece, and something I haven’t thought about. Have lost one or more good friends over virus or political disagreements?

    I guess I’m lucky bc I haven’t lost any friends from disagreements over social distancing or masks. Perhaps it’s because most of my friends tend to be older and wiser, even than me.

    Steve

    >

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