You know how I love to tell a story. So, sit back and relax.
My driver’s license is about to expire, just in time to get the new real identity card that everyone will need to have by 2023. I needed several different forms of identification. I was going through my files to locate them when I came across a letter you wrote to your teacher when you were 11 years old…
It was a letter explaining in exquisite literary detail exactly who you are, and amazingly, still are. I marveled at your self knowledge and awareness… and you were only 11! I realized you have always known the essential you… always. It is a sad but real truth that at 11, who is going to listen to you, no less, believe you, I ask you… WHO? No one, that’s who. And rather than confront the powers that be, and that includes me, I am ashamed to say, (confrontation is truly alien to you) you chose to hide behind your books and for lack of better words your attitude, sometimes explosive, sometimes silent.
I feel like you should print this letter you wrote onto a sandwich board and when the next therapist, parent, sibling, friend or grandparent exclaims who you are and what you need, please walk onto the runway of your life wearing your board of definition and ask them politely to read your Declaration of Independence.
I totally relate. I always knew who I was and what I wanted but as in every generation, fighting society and family rules and society and family ethnics and ethics is a losing battle for an 11 year old. “You’re a kid. What do you know?” Grrrrrrrr.
Well, you’re not 11 anymore, and I believe, now is your time TO BE.
I know it is very difficult to take any action no matter what the age or the direction. Fear is a deadly paralyzer and the longer we wait the harder it is to move. Late blooming is a universal perennial pattern of life. It took me years to catch up to me. I used to be much younger. You should see my 8×10 glossy.
I was the only one who held me back. I listened to everyone tell me who I was and what I needed to do. I was always a good actress, so what I did was act as if because I believed even though I knew I was moving in the wrong direction, I needed their support and approval. I blame no one but myself. And I don’t even blame myself anymore. Believe me, blame never repaired a flat tire. Early on, unconsciously, I knew I did not have the courage to do the salmon thing. You know swimming upstream against the current. Of course, now I’m so old I don’t really have the energy to do that upstream stuff anymore. That’s O.K.! Along the way, life has had a strange way of giving me what I need when I needed it. Sometimes it appeared a little early, when I didn’t know what to do, and sometimes a little late, when I knew what to do but didn’t. Life’s a bitch.
A life disclaimer: Sometimes no matter how well you know yourself, your limited experiences (unfortunately mostly suffered by the young) prevents you from understanding what is important to you. Our values are informed by our experiences… and ‘dats ‘da trut! It took a long time to figure out what was important in my life. Early traumatic beginnings fostered a need for control that almost spoiled the game of life in all its bountiful relationships, human and natural. The day I realized my true life size… just a speck in the universe… meaning I did not need to raise the sun every day… oi vey so very heavy… my L5 healed, my chiropractor lost his job, and I found peace. Not consistently, but enough of the time to give me the joyful along with the painful noise of life.
I can’t erase the fear for you and I don’t care how many cannabis stores there are in this country, I cannot create a no-risk-courage-gummy to help with decisions. But I can assure you; you cannot make a mistake. Every actor, artist, inventor, athlete, in fact, every creative person worth his or her or their salt values the so-called “wrong turn” in their life, as a right turn into their enlightenment.
Try calling mistakes by its real name: EXPERIENCE! Wowie! Zowie!
Of course, from my DNA and heritage, I want to remove the obstacles in your path and do it all for you. This action, were it possible, would limit your experience and your growth. Maybe it’s a good thing we don’t live near each other. I can pretend I would never do such a thing.
Here’s the best thing my miraculous millennials and I will never know whether you do or you don’t…
“TAKE WHAT YOU WANT AND LEAVE THE REST“
If you decide to take nothing, that works for me too. You can do what computers allow us to do… DELETE. Then call me and say, “What email?!”
That’s good for me! Was it good for you??
❤️ Love, Sally-Jane