The Business of Living is the Best Defense Against Death – Just ask my 101 year old brother

My 101 year old brother sent me this photo of his latest achievement, the completion of this model of the airplane Charles Lindbergh flew from New York to Paris in 1927.  

I am bowled over in awe, which doesn’t come often for me. For one thing, he doesn’t look like any 101 year old person I know.  True, I don’t know many 101 year old people. I don’t think there are many 101 year old people and certainly fewer who work on and complete a detailed model airplane, which requires dexterity, concentration, and abilities that many younger folk might  be stymied by.

I emailed the photo to family and friends. I received in return an email from a nephew with a copy of a 2001 Flying Models Magazine with a feature on my brother. 

My brother turned 80 in 2000 There was a celebration in Los Angeles.  He had moved to California from New York many years prior. Personally, I think that saved his creative life. After all, without the impeding judgment of nearby family  life can be more free and easy, right? 

 A little backstory, I was the seventh in a family of eight.  It was actually two families. Let me explain. My oldest brother, miracle man here, was born in 1920.  After him in fairly quick succession came four more children. The first five of what I call the “older part” of the family.  Then came a couple of birthing break years due to miscarriages and other problems.  As the depression started to heat up, out pops three more… The “younger part” of the family.  I was born in 1933.  Older brother in 1920, so there was enough of a gap that in no way did we have any real contact.  By the time I was in elementary school, he was eloping and going off to war.  He won’t talk about any of his time in Europe during World War II other than to say he was in the Battle of the Bulge.  A battle I have read about and understand why he won’t talk about it.  My only real contact with him after he returned from the war was after we began our Heit Family get togethers. And that was cursory at best with a quick peck and an even quicker “how are you?”, which really should have been, “who are you?”.  

I had no idea who my oldest brother was and visa versa. Each of us had what I call a family myth. His was his genius in designing model airplanes.  At 17 he sold the first of many of his designs.  Since that had nothing to do with my wanting to be Shirley Temple … who cared?

We arrive now to the year 2,000 and an invitation to attend his 80th birthday party in Los Angeles. For your perspective, I was 67 years old. 

By this time, I had already lost one brother from the older part of the family. I didn’t know who he was either. I knew my three sisters a little more because somehow I think we bonded purely along male/female battle lines… four girls, four boys. It was us against them and it made for a little closer harmony. Not necessarily more intimate, but more in the spirit of camaraderie. Probably because girls, even with rampant sibling rivalry, tend to be closer in relationships.  

All to say, I was going to try and find out who he was before attending the celebration. It’s the decent thing to do, right? Even then, I devoured mystery books and detective novels. So, now was the time to put what tools I acquired into practice. I began by buying every airplane model magazine I could find. I discovered the model airplane industry is alive and well. He sold his first design in 1937 or 1938. There was no way to research magazines of that era because microfilming and digital articles didn’t exist. What to do? Light bulb! I looked in the classified ads in the back of the magazine. In a section titled Antique Models was a list of individuals who sold kits of older model airplanes. I started calling around and asking if anyone knew of a Raymond Heit model airplane kit. The nays had it. At last, one man I called responded in what I heard as excited abandonment. He yelled, ”Ray?? Ray Heit??? I said, “Yes”. He said, “That is so interesting! I flew his Bayridge Mike in a competition last weekend and I won!” 

Initially, it was Greek to me but he finally translated. Bayridge Mike is my brother’s first design and this man won a recent competition with his model of that design. 

His name was Jim Alaback and he was out of his mind with joy when I told him Ray Heit was still alive. I explained I was Raymond Heit’s sister. I wanted to give him a gift of some of his old model plane kits for his 80th birthday. He put me in touch with a man in Oregon who sells antique kits. I thanked him and called the Oregonian. He had two of my brother’s designs from the late 1930’s and sent them to me. He, too, was glad to know Ray Heit was still alive and kicking. He had recently competed with his own model of Bayridge Mike and won. 

Jim Alaback called me back. Among other things, he was a stringer for Flying Models Magazine. He lived in San Diego and now that he knew Raymond was in California as well, he wondered if he could get in touch with Raymond to interview him for the magazine. 

Start the drum roll now. Hey, we all know I am a performer and at 67 I was still tripping the boards. Lest we forget all my siblings were present, minus one. In the family, I was known disparagingly as “the actress”. I was not about to let this opportunity go, to show my siblings that I was more than “just an actress”. And I didn’t. 

Most importantly, my oldest brother, who typically maintains “cool” as his permanent temperature, was singularly not cool. I was moved by personal revelations about a brother I did not know. The cherry on the cake was a planned interview with Alaback for the magazine.

And that is the one with the article my nephew recently sent to me.

Following the party, there was a meeting of minds and sensitivities of brother #1 with sister #7. A deepening of the connection which has everything to do with family and nothing to do with family. We had discovered each other and to this day maintain a growing and affectionate relationship. He has a passion that won’t quit. I believe it is that passion that gives his life the best defense against death.

Sending me a photo of himself at 101, 21 years after his 80th party, stirred the memory pot. As to that, I am of two different minds… so what else is new? Too much memory mucking around is not good, for it takes me out of the present where I need to be to keep my anxious tendencies tampered down. And yet, how important it is to keep those memories alive, both the yin and yang. They add texture and depth to a life lived. 

The Original Heits c.1938 in Atlantic City
The Seven Heits at Raymond’s 80th Birthday Party in 2000

Blending memories and realities is key to keeping my balance. For me, this photo has elements of the past, the present and the future. This my friends is Golden. Pure Gold.

Right??? Of course, right!!!

Love, Sally-Jane ❤️

Feminine Fraudsters

My Dear Readers,

In the 1980’s, in an attempt to take advantage of the exploding feminist movement, Virginia Slims cigarettes created an advertising slogan, You’ve come a long way, baby. Do you remember it?

If you are a streamer, like I am, you must have noticed the many movies and television series are now featuring a growing number of women who have lost their way… aka… Feminine Fraudsters. For all psychiatrists and therapists these women offer a study of a modern day feminine pathological, psychotic liar, exhibiting criminal behavior in technicolor. 

I say modern day because the behavior itself is not new. However, I think the dark side of females of the past has been tied to their powerlessness in a patriarchal society. Exceptions to this rule exist of course, but for the most part, power for women came through faking it. 

All right already so what’s my point?

Women are equal now, right? They don’t need to do dastardly deeds to succeed, right? They can partner on par with their male partners in business and at home. The patriarchy is no more. What planet do you live on?

When I first noticed how many popular major shows were about these fraudulent females, I began an inner dialogue with each of them: “What’s wrong with you? Don’t you realize in the past the only power women had was in their sex, literally and figuratively? Our choices were not only limited, they didn’t exist. Why did you dishonor the hard earned gift of choice and equality from the women who came before you?”

I answered my own question. Because equality does not exist. I grant you every now and then, like Judge Ketanji Brown Jackson’s elevation (we hope) to the Supreme Court and Kamala Harris’s Vice Presidency, equal rights appear confirmed. Do not be fooled. The Equal Rights Amendment sits on a shelf in a closet somewhere, unpassed. The anti-lynching law was just passed over two hundred years after the Emancipation Proclamation.

Blacks, women, all minorities… damn… we go two steps forward and one back and call that progress? I suppose that is the way progress proceeds. 

There is a constant battle between our his or her or they or them animal vs. human nature. In the animal kingdom, except for some rare species, the male is all powerful. Oh, sure, don’t touch the young of any female animal if you value your life. That’s a different mechanism. In everyday life, all hail the male. Today in the human kingdom, with very few exceptions, the male still holds the reins of power. Alas, today there is an illusion that females have an equal share of that power. We have been gaslighted. 

My friends, before I get into why I think women have been had, I want to get into distinguishing the Alpha Male from other men. I think the human side of the Alpha Male’s brain is undeveloped so they operate solely on their dominant animal aggressive behavior… eating and swallowing up men, women, and children as they go. Stream just one episode of the very successful television series Succession for a brilliant illustration. These men make no pretense about female subjugation. How do I square the modern day opportunities in education, careers, life choices, with ongoing female subjugation? It’s insidious. It’s where the gaslighting comes in. The power hungry alphas have learned to talk the talk about sharing power with women. Unfortunately, women buy the talk. But those of us that have gone over that bridge time and time again know he or she has to walk the walk. Words are good. Action is better.

All the protagonists of the Feminine Fraudsters hit that glass ceiling that most women know still exists. Discovering the ceiling was still there, they circumvented the straight and legal path to achieve what they thought had been promised to them. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

Yes, we have come a long way, baby. But we still have miles to go before we sleep… miles to go.

Right???  Of course, right!!!

Love, Sally-Jane

P.S. Here is a list of a few of the Feminine Fraudster shows for your edification:
I Care a Lot
The Eyes of Tammy Faye
Inventing Anna
The Drop Out